I'm coming to a point where I'm not exactly sure whether I lean more toward being shy or outgoing. I think my level of outgoingness depends on the situation and the people rather than just myself. I feel I'm not in control of how I interact with others. There are all kinds of factors that are put into play upon interacting/ meeting others.
When I'm with friends or family, I'm actually rather loud. I speak my mind, I act silly, and I can carry a conversation. And most of my friends would tell you I'm not shy at all if you asked them. With friends and family around, I would consider myself a very outgoing person because I'm in my comfort zone and they already know how I am.
But when I first meet someone I usually don't talk very much and I don't openly share a lot about myself unless asked. I tend to be more reserved and am more of an observer/ listener. Especially when I'm surrounded by people I do not know very well. Most of the time I try to avoid such situations, but some times they are unavoidable.
I have a bit of a hard time meeting new people because I'm afraid they won't like me. Now I don't really care what people think about me, I'm going to be myself whether they like it or not. But some times I feel like I already have my friends, why do I need to make any new ones?
And that's where I get upset with myself because I realize I could be a person that becomes a very important part of someone else's life. God could use me in a way that ministers to those people. I could change a person's life by just beginning with a hello and a smile.
And I think that's probably another part that scares me. What if I'm the one to screw it up for them? And so my internal thoughts are fighting with one another "You need to go over there" and "No you don't, keep walking."
However, there are times when I have no problem talking to people. And I think it's when either the real Sharayah comes out or the journalist within me takes over. I don't consider myself a great public speaker, rather a person who is good with words on a paper. But sometimes when I get going and the pressure is on, I can have a conversation with someone I don't know without even batting an eye.
These are the times I enjoy. When I don't worry about screwing up, I just go and handle it. I feel like more often I need to take more initiative and courage, and just get out there and be a light. I want people to look at me and think there is something different about her.
I think I'm getting better at this. Women's Choir helped me with this because before concerts we'd have to mingle with people before concerts. And for a while I'd just kind of walk around and talk to other girls in the choir.
But then I talked to the girls in my small group about how I struggled with meeting people and they gave me some advice and pointers on how to strike up conversations. And then every concert after that I was able to keep conversations going with people I barely knew. It also helped during the host homes we stayed with on tour.
I'm hoping this will also help during this next school year. I'm surprisingly excited to try it out. :]
No comments:
Post a Comment